Responding to Match Party Comments

The following was written by Chris Jacobs our Program Director.

I would like to respond with some facts about National Adoption Center match parties. The children and teens who attend do know that they are coming to an event to meet families. The Center believes that not every child or teen is appropriate to attend a match party and no child/teen should be forced to attend. Children are prepared by their social workers to know what to expect, or in the case of our teens-only events, two preparation meetings are held with the teens before the match party to go over the agenda for the day, and address any concerns or questions they have.   

Of course, meeting families face-to-face is exciting and can also be scary---for the youth and for the families!    Center staff also meet with the families before each party to once again go over the agenda for the day and to coach them (because they are also nervous) about being sensitive to the youth, respecting their privacy and using this as an opportunity to interact and share what they have in common. The staff also provides some do’s and don’ts (no pictures taken with their cell phones, no promises made to youth, no discussion of adoption.)

The Center believes that the youth must have a voice in their own recruitment and our parties are planned to be “no pressure,” fun for the youth and always respectful of their feelings and privacy. There will inevitably be youth who attend for whom families do not request additional information. However, a match party is just one strategy their social worker can use to find them a family. The Center encourages the social worker to  discuss with the child, after the party, the child’s reaction to the experience.

It has been the experience of the National Adoption Center and other organizations that have sponsored such parties, that if the events are orchestrated with sensitivity and the children are prepared well before and talk with their social workers afterward, the experience will be a positive one for the child. As one enthusiastic social worker said, “In a perfect world, we would not need adoption parties.” The reality is that nearly 120,000 children around the country are yearning for permanent families. Attending such events increases their chances dramatically.”

Match Parties - are you for or against?

The National Adoption Center plans and executes multiple Match Parties throughout the year. These parties are a signature recruitment vehicle for the Center and a truly wonderful opportunity for children & youth looking to be adopted to interact with prospective parents in a safe, secure and fun environment. Our success rate is often as high as forty percent.

Countless new “forever families” have been created thanks to our Match Parties, yet we sometimes receive pushback from folks who believe these events are exploitive to the children. What do you think?

Adopting Teens

Last week I had the chance to take three boys to a radio show to talk about the kind of families they hoped might adopt them. The boys were not the young school-aged children I often take to this show. One was 11, the other two were were teenagers—14 and 15; all of them still hope that there may be a family that will want them.

Teenagers often go unnoticed by prospective adopters. Some don’t know that teenagers are available to be adopted. Others hesitate to adopt an adolescent, believing that they can’t have much impact on the way he or she will grow up. I wish those skeptics could have been with me last week and listened to what the children said:

Shahid, 15: I want a family that will always care about me and will be there for me. I would give them love and make them proud of me.

Cinque, 11: I’m imaginative and like to think things through. I want to be an archeologist when I grow up and hope I will have parents to encourage me. My biggest hope is that soon I will be in a good home.

Zamir, 15: Having a family is so important to me. It’s what I want more than anything else. I would be a good son, help around the house and be kind to them and to other people. I haven’t given up.

More adoption agencies are focusing on teenagers. They know what happens when children “age out” of foster care without a permanent family. Teenage pregnancy rates soar. Drug and alcohol abuse are common. Their rates of crime, delinquency and mental illness escalate. That’s why the National Adoption Center has been holding adoption “match” parties for teenagers. Its next one, funded by the Pennsylvania Statewide Adoption Network (SWAN) is scheduled for Saturday, March 26 at the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Philadelphia.

People who have adopted teenagers say they wish they hadn’t hesitated…they wish they had done it sooner. “I can see how my son has changed since he has been with my partner and me in a stable home,” says Edward. “He can focus more on his schoolwork and his grades have improved. And he no longer worries that one day he’ll have to pack his bags and move on to the next home. He knows he’s here to stay.”

Adoptive Parent on Match Party

This past Saturday, we hosted a Matching Event at Brunswick Lanes in New Jersey. There were thirty-five children and youth in attendance and almost all received at least one inquiry. Here’s just one piece of feedback we received from a prospective parent:

I would like to thank you and the dedicated staff that collaborated on the Match Party on Saturday for a very memorable experience and opportunity. The event was eye opening in so many ways. The children were beautiful, charming and funny. Those pictures on the website do no justice to their beauty. I was familiar with some of the children from the website and the profile book. I have been busy searching for our "sons" and it was funny seeing them in person. It could somehow be related to meeting celebrities. They came alive and became ever so real. Their personalities were amazing; they were open about their wish for a family; shared their goals and favorite foods and other things; and made us feel comfortable with their laughter and jokes. To be honest, I did not want it to end. We fell in love with so many of the children we encountered. My husband is now praying we hit the lottery, so we can build a bigger home to fill up with children.

This is why we do these events, to have a guided interaction between the youths and adults so they can relax, have fun and get to know each other. We know once these groups meet that some matches will be made that day and hopefully a good percentage of these matches will result in placements. We also know that we are making the prospect of meeting more families and being adopted a bit less scary for the youth. After all, this day wasn't so bad, right? The youth also see that there are people out there interested in adopting older children, a message they may not have gotten enough. For adoptive parents the road can be long and intrusive and by having actual youth in front of them they can re-energize to make it through the last parts of the process to make their adoption dream a reality.

Watch here for announcements about our next Matching Events, you only need to be a homestudied family who wishes to adopt to attend.

Teen Matching Event Wrap Up!

We’ve been very busy here lately with our SWAN teen matching events. On April 10, 2010 we hosted a Teen Party in Lancaster, PA. 20 teens and 21 families approved to adopt attended and had a very good time getting acquainted and doing a variety of activities. After the party, we exchanged additional information between the families’ social worker and the youth social workers so that they can follow up.

On May 1st we had the chance to do some additional follow up. The youth and the families joined us for a laser tag party where we played laser tag, ate lunch, played arcade games and saw a laser show. This gave the youth and families an opportunity to spend more time together in a fun environment.

As of now, many of the families have expressed interest in the youth. We are very hopeful that in the near future we will know of the new families that have been created as a result of the SWAN teen matching events!

Teen Matching Event

Pennsylvania has some amazing teenagers who you may want to meet. Yes, there are teens who still long for a permanent adoptive family. On April 10, 2010 the National Adoption Center will host a Teen Matching Event. Several of Pennsylvania’s waiting teenagers will come together with families who are approved to adopt a teen. They will share an afternoon of fun, food and hopefully some new lasting connections.

We hosted two similar events last year. Teens, prospective parents and social workers alike enjoyed the day. And best of all, some new families were formed as a result of the events.

This year our event will be held in Lancaster, PA. We welcome you to join us if you have an approved home study and are interested in adopting a teen! Click here to view the invitation.

The Teen Matching Events have been made possible through the generous funding of the Pennsylvania Statewide Adoption and Permanency Network (SWAN).

For more information or to register, please contact Julie Marks, Teen Project Manager, at 215-735-9988 x367 or at pateen@adopt.org Or register online here.

Why We Do This

This past weekend we had a Match Party in Houston, Delaware. Sam Yoder's Farm provided a gorgeous setting and while it was windy, the weather held for us. The purpose of a Match Party is to provide a relaxed atmosphere for guided interactions between adoptable youths from foster care and home studied families. We play games or participate in activities which get the adults and youths talking to each other and working together on common goals.

My station was the pumpkin painting table. Here each person got a small pumpkin or two to paint. (Pumpkins graciously donated by Steve from Hurricane Hill Farm in Coatsville, Pennsylvania.) The youths jumped right into this activity. Some designs were abstract, some modern, some pretty, some goofy and some traditional. Each unique as the child.

As they painted the potential parents chatted with the youths. Some offered encouragement and really focused on the child's painting. While other potential parents painted alongside the children while chatting with them about unrelated topics. Most stayed engrossed in the activity for the full time allotted. Whether the enthusiastic participation was as a distraction from the normal concerns at such an event or because of a sense of fun, it doesn't matter. The painting served as the icebreaker it was meant to be. From my vantage point, I could see all the typical family interactions which take place -encouragement, correction, freedom and boundaries. I could see that some adults were comfortable in the role of "parent" while others still needed to find their way.

The reactions of the children also varied. Some were eager to show their talent, some defended their unique visions. Some comfortably chatted to anyone who listened while others depended on adults carefully drawing them out. Between the planned activities and lunch, there was plenty of time for people to get comfortable and chat.

Our hope is that these interactions result in matches that will result in permanent families. We'll have a later post giving out the results of this party. (Although it can take 6 months to a year to know significant outcomes.) From the smiles on kids' faces I know we were successful in making a day for the youths to enjoy. The parents also looked like they had fun. Hopefully all got to see that the potential parents and the children are all just normal people. No one needs to be scared or worried about the other. Some people are shy, some talkative; some happier than others. Regardless all children deserve a permanent home full of love and security.

BTW: we have a Teen Match Party coming up in northern NJ next week. If you're a homestudied family, we'd love to have you come on out. Call us at 215-735-9988 or email callen@adopt.org to register.

Come visit us at the Farm!

School supplies are being bought, bathing suits are on clearance, and here in the office, Match Party preparations are underway. Planning for Fall has begun!

On October 10th, the Adoption Center of Delaware Valley will be heading down to Sam Yoder Farm in Houston, DE. Children in Delaware’s foster care system, eligible to be adopted, will be invited to come to the farm for ‘Fall Fun Day’! Parents who are interested in foster care adoption, and who have completed or almost completed their home study, are invited to attend and meet with the children in a fun, relaxed, setting. Match parties are a great way for children and families to meet face to face, and have a chance to interact and make connections with each other. It is also an opportunity for children to meet other children waiting to be adopted.

Sam Yoder farm is a working farm with plenty of chickens, cows, and goats, for everyone to check out. Games, crafts, face painting, and other activities are scheduled as well as lunch for everyone. The party will be held from 10am-2pm. It should be a beautiful fall day and we hope there will be a great turnout for this event!

If you would like more information about this Match Party, or would like to be sent an invitation to the party, please call our office at 215-735-9988 and ask to speak with Amy Cressman. You can also reach me by email at acressman@adopt.org. Following the Delaware party, on October 24th, there will be a Teen Match party for waiting teenagers in New Jersey. Stay tuned for more information about this event!

Match Parties for Teens

“Family is very important because they’re the main ones you can look to when something goes wrong or you need a helping hand.”

“It would be really great having a home for the holidays, just sitting around and opening presents.”

“I need someone to be there for me.”

These are teens in foster care talking.

To help teens in Pennsylvania find “forever” families, we recently held two teen match parties (one in Philadelphia, the other in Pittsburgh), sponsored by the Pennsylvania Statewide Adoption and Permanency Network (SWAN). The goal was to bring together in a relaxed, fun setting teens waiting for a family and families wanting to adopt an older child. Families who had already completed their home study were invited to participate.

Prior to the parties, two events were held in each city to prepare the teens. A facilitator led them through a series of activities designed to help them feel comfortable and to see both what they had in common and how they differed. They learned that it was okay to be themselves. In addition, the teens felt empowered when they were asked for their input on activities for their match party.

The pre-events helped the teens to relax and enjoy themselves at the match parties as they interacted with potential adoptive families. At the match parties, each youth was presented with a certificate and a t-shirt imprinted with a photo of a person the teen said had influenced him/her.

In Philadelphia, 18 of the 22 teens attending the match party received inquiries from families, Nine of the ten teens attending in Pittsburgh had inquiries. After the parties, teens were asked for their views of the day. Among the responses:
• It was great and wonderful to be around new people, both kids and adults.
• Awesome…there’s somebody who cares for you and wants to help you find a family. .
• You get to meet families and other kids in the same situation.
• It was fun and entertaining.

Families also had a good time. One family said, “We truly enjoyed our day and meeting the kids. Hopefully, we have found a match. It is so much better to meet the children in person, as opposed to a picture on a web site.”

Match Party in the News!

This Wednesday the Philadelphia Inquirer published an article about our most recent Teen Match Party. To read the article, click here. The article not only covers the day's events, but also probes the reasons why those who were there participated.

One story which touched me was about a couple with a college-aged child who felt they wanted to help more children, but didn't want to change diapers. Adopting a teen is perfect for them, allowing them to contribute while not putting them through challenges they do not feel prepared to handle.

We also have a few match parties coming up, so look on our website for more information regarding those. They will be held in Pittsburgh and in the Delaware Valley region in the upcoming months.

Accompanying the story online is a poll regarding adoption. At this point in time, 67% state that they would be interested in adopting a teen or child. Another 7% would adopt a child. Remember we at the National Adoption Center are here for you. You can view our resources online: we offer information, via our online course and reference materials; support via our social network; and referrals, online or call us at: 1-800-TO-ADOPT.

FACE2FACE: Teen Match Parties

The National Adoption Center invites prospective parents who are interested in adopting older youth to join us for two exciting events:

Philadelphia, Pa.
March 28, 2009 – 11:00 am – 3:00 pm
Pittsburgh, Pa.
May 9, 2009 – 10:00 am – 2:00 pm

Prospective adoptive parents who are approved by their agency will meet 25-30 teens who would like to be adopted. Families and youth will participate in fun activities, enjoy watching a hip hop dance troupe and eat lunch.

There is no fee to attend. Registration is limited. Sorry, children and relatives of prospective parents may not attend.

Please contact Julie Marks, project manager, with questions. She may be reached at 215-735-9988x367 or pateen@adopt.org

We'll have an online registration form available shortly.