Online Matching Events — everyone’s invited!

We are known for hosting matching events to assist youth in foster care in finding their forever families. For more than 25 years, these events have been a core service we offer  in the tri-state area of Southeastern Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Delaware. We host match events designed for specifically for the youth we are serving at that time; for example, we have held events for teens only and for sibling groups only.

Until recently, our events have been face to face, providing the opportunity for interaction between youth, families and workers. What we have learned from our experience hosting these events is that everyone is not appropriate to attend (this includes youth and families). Some youth are quiet and reserved and don't take well to the socializing that comes with an event. Some youth are not physically able to attend, like some of the youth we work with who are medically fragile. The term "medically fragile" means that the youth has a disability, is in stable condition, but is dependent on life sustaining medications, treatments, equipment and has need for assistance with activities of daily living. The disabilities may be due to an accident, illness, congenital disorder, abuse or neglect.

 We believe that "there are no unwanted children...just unfound families" and that all children deserve recruitment opportunities. One way that we have been able to include all youth in the match event process is by participating in online match events. Crystal, one of our Adoption Coordinators, recently participated in one of these parties, presenting six youth from her caseload. Via a webinar format, she shared photos, fun facts and personal stories about each youth. One youth who was featured was Rashawn, pictured above.

Rashawn, or Ra Ra as he is affectionately known, is a handsome and rapidly growing teenager. Ra Ra is nonverbal and legally blind but he is good at distinguishing different sounds and can recognize people by their voices. Ra Ra is affectionate, friendly and loves attention. He can be quite charming and is known for getting his way by batting his eyes and smiling.

Ra Ra had a traumatic brain injury as a baby. He requires assistance with daily living tasks such as bathing, feeding, dressing and toileting. Ra Ra resides at a pediatric medical facility and attends a special education school.

Ra Ra uses a wheelchair but he prefers to crawl about on his own. He enjoys pet therapy and especially likes dogs. Ra Ra has a feeding tube but takes most of his meals orally, eating pureed food. While at school, Ra Ra is learning to feed himself using a special spoon.

An ideal family for Rashawn is one with a medical background or an interest in learning how to provide for his medical care. 

To know more about Rashawn, contact Crystal by phone at: 267-443-1867 or by email at: callen@adopt.org.

A New Approach to Foster Care?

I read a story today in the Baltimore Sun about the path that city’s director of social services would like to take. She said, “We intend to be the first urban child welfare system with no children placed in foster care. We believe it is possible to have a child welfare system change the nature of its work and keep children safe at home with their families.” She proposes that social welfare systems be paid to keep families together rather than “take someone’s kid away.”

This a noble goal; unfortunately, often it does not work. We have seen children, even with family support and social services intervention, remain in environments that are unhealthy and unsafe. While the first choice is always to preserve families, it must be recognized that this may not be possible. This “new” approach to child welfare may be just wishful thinking.

A Life Reset

Growing up as a young man plagued with drug abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse all before the age of 12 years old; I would have never thought I would be able to sit in an office helping youth in the foster care system become adopted. Some would say I lived a life of extreme hardship and they are impressed with how things have turned out for me. I would say that I was fortunate to have a family that was willing to help me comprehend life and a system that had a plan.

Growing up in a home with a father that struggled with his emotions and a mother that would now be diagnosed mentally retarded would not necessarily be thought of as an unsafe environment. However, when this is paired with emotional abuse of being cursed at and degraded by words that are unimaginable, the picture starts to become clearer.

The memories I have of my childhood are not full of warm beds, hugs and kisses from mom and dad, food on the table and clean clothes. My hardships started with my brother and I being molested by who was a so-called family friend. I was 4 or 5 and my brother was 7 or 8. These actions continued for almost 3 years when everything came to a head when my brother told an uncle what was happening. As young kids we thought this was normal interaction between adults and young children. Later investigations happened and the man was imprisoned for 15 years. I could look at this as one success, but my story continues with even more hardship.

My parents went into debt and I started living in poverty. My parents made $12,000.00 a year to support a family of 6. My dad started to lose control and started throwing hot cups of coffee and anything else he could grab at my siblings and me. This behavior escalated and soon my brothers and I were being disciplined with twigs off of trees, belts and at one point 2x4 boards. My mother did not know how to control her emotions due to the emotional and physical actions from my father so she started yelling and cursing at him. With all the chaos around us (my siblings and me) we started to fight with each other. My parents’ home, which was a trailer, became riddled with holes and broken windows. My brothers and I would throw each other into walls, through windows and even over the banister onto concrete. Our lives were out of control and we eventually found peace, by starting to do drugs.

I was now in the 5th grade and remember going to school after smoking marijuana for several hours in a car. The peace I thought would take me away from the chaos of my parents, from not having food and living in a home full of holes and now cockroaches was short lived once I came down from “paradise” and had to face the real world alone. My troubles escalated and became worse. I stopped going to school and started seeking out sex, drugs, alcohol and food. I would find myself going into stores and stealing food and clothing to satisfy my hunger and to replace the rags I was wearing. I remember my issues getting so bad, I missed 97 days of school, worked under the table making money building pools, could drink almost a case of beer a night, would smoke cigarettes and marijuana, stole almost everything I had, and starting giving myself tattoos all before I was 12 years old.

It was at this time that the child welfare system stepped in asked for a court hearing and filed a petition for me to enter foster care. My perception was “this is the beginning to the end of my life.” Later looking back I realize this was the starting of the new life I longed for. I started living with a family who was willing for me to make mistakes in order for them to show me how to cope with the outcome. This family showed me what it meant to have unconditional love. They never scolded me or threw things at me when they were frustrated. They talked through situations and achieved an outcome in a positive manner. My resilience to my old way of life helped me to embrace the positive changes that were being shown to me. I entered the foster care system at 12 years old and aged out when I was 21 years old. Through the 9 years in foster care I learned how to make a complete change in my way of life. There were struggles along the way and tears of frustration and joy, but I learned what it meant to have a family that loved a person for who they were.

I was asked when I was 16 if I would like to be adopted and I said no. My father had signed off his parental rights and now custodianship was held by the state. My foster family vowed to keep me in their home and provide for me as long as I wanted to be part of their family. The laws at that time did not allow adoptive parents to have assistance or any benefits after they adopted. Due to this, my foster parents would be required to pay for everything for me including my dream to attend college and this was one of the reasons I was reluctant to be adopted by them. I did go to college, and realized that everything I learned within the foster care system prepared me for college and to now work in the child welfare system.

What I lack not being adopted is the permanent connection and the feeling that I belong to a family. This lack of connection does get overwhelming and sometimes make me angry or well up with tears. However, it does not damper the success that I have made in my life and has only increased the fire that I have to work with children in foster care and help them become adopted. The joy and passion I have with working in my job helps me to have a sense of completeness when a child is adopted. I live by a motto that I have passed on to several children I work with, and the motto is this “Dreams become goals and goals become a reality.” All my success and the dreams I succeeded in are credited to a family that saw beyond the eyes of a child and a system that had a plan and knew what can come from such a determined young man.

The Fosters

Tonight is the premiere of The Fosters, a show on ABC Family that tells the story of a lesbian couple and their diverse family. The comedy-drama is about two women raising a "21st-century" multi-ethnic mix of foster and biological children. The conservative group One Million Moms condemned the executive producer, Jennifer Lopez, and the show, encouraging audiences to boycott it. The group is against shows with lesbian themes, stating: "While foster care and adoption is a wonderful thing and the Bible does teach us to help orphans, this program is attempting to redefine marriage and family by having two moms raise these children together." They issued the following statement: "Obviously, ABC has lost their minds. They haven’t let up so neither will we. ABC’s Family Channel has several anti-family programs, and they are planning on adding to that growing list." In response, ABC subsequently backed the television show, saying The Fosters "perfectly merges with the network’s groundbreaking storytelling and iconic characters and will feature depth, heart, close relationships and authenticity." Will you be watching The Fosters?

The Difference of Being Affected vs. Being Impacted

From Monday, May 13^th through Wednesday, May 15^th, I had the pleasure of attending the Wendy’s Wonderful Kids Summit. Wendy’s Wonderful Kids is the signature program of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, an Ohio based organization whose goal is to implement proactive, child-focused recruitment programs targeted exclusively on moving America’s longest-waiting children from foster care into adoptive families (DTFA).

Attending the Summit is nothing new for me as I have been a Wendy’s Wonderful Kids Recruiter for 4 years and 9 months. In the months leading up to the Summit, I was at my usual level of excitement. I wondered which recruiters from around the country and Canada I would see again, who had exciting adoption stories to tell, and who would our speakers and panelists be. About two weeks before the Summit, my DTFA Grant Manager sent an email out with the agenda. I quickly browsed through, but at the end of the agenda, something caught my eye.

                       

Keynote: Saved by adoptionShawn Hessee, Rolling Through Adversity – Confined to a wheelchair with cerebral palsy, Shawn, considered unadoptable, was adopted by his preschool teacher.

This keynote topic spoke to me, so much that I immediately emailed my grant manager to thank her for including Shawn in the Summit. To provide some background on why I was so excited to hear from Shawn, I will share a little about the youth on my caseload.

I serve a caseload of 10 youth—8 boys and 2 girls. Of the 10, 5 are considered medically fragile, 2 have autism and 1 has Down syndrome. Most of them at one time or another has been considered unadoptable. Recruitment for them has not been easy, and despite feeling personally defeated on their behalf, I know that I must continue on in the search for their forever families.

Fast forward from the time my grant manager sent the email to May 15^th. I have just experienced two days of powerful presenters—doctors, child welfare specialists, recruiters and youth who have aged out of care—all people who have been affected by foster care and/or adoption. Finally it was time to hear Shawn’s story. I already knew Shawn’s story would hit home with me, but I do not think I could have imagined the impact he would have on me, my kids, and my work in adoption recruitment.

Wearing a stylish suit and an award winning smile, Shawn commanded the audience from the start of his presentation. He shared his story from birth to present day. Sharing his ups and his downs, his victories and losses, he spoke about his families (biological, foster and adoptive), his passion for wrestling, his work history and his current profession. When Shawn was young, he wanted to wrestle, so the coach gave him a chance. Shawn was expected to work out and train just as the other wrestlers, despite having leg braces. He trained hard and prepared for his first match, which unfortunately he lost. He would actually go on to lose all of his matches, completing his high school career at 0-80. He remarked that as a society, we live in a world that tends to value wins over losses. Looking in from the outside, Shawn is by no means a loser. He is an inspiration.

He left the audience with the message that his mission is to help children embrace the challenges they face. As he wound down his speech, tears began to flow from my face. He provided us with an hour of inspirational words to last a lifetime. After his presentation, I stood in front of the entire audience and with tears flowing even harder now, thanked Shawn for sharing his story. He too makes me want to help children embrace their challenges and succeed in life.

After the presentation, I asked Shawn if I could give him a hug. He smiled, let me know that he loved hugs, and we embraced. Although I had just met him, I felt like I knew him forever. I quickly asked if I could remain in touch, as I knew I’d have my days where I felt as if I was failing, and could use his words of encouragement. Again he smiled, and let me know that I could reach out to him for support anytime. And I think he truly meant it, as we exchanged information and are now Facebook friends and follow each other on  Twitter.

Even as I write this, I can’t help but to tear up again. Not because I am sad, but because I know the potential that my children have and know that they have a “wonderful” role model in Shawn. He has truly made an impact on me.

With Help From Our Friends

We were pleased to have been selected as the beneficiary of proceeds realized from the 2nd Annual Charity Softball Tournament sponsored by Chubb Group of Insurance Companies - Philadelphia Branch. The event, held last Thursday at the Camden River Sharks Stadium, also included teams from the following agencies: Conner Strong & Buckelew; ECBM LP; Johnson, Kendall & Johnson; Altus Partners and NSM Insurance Group. CHUBB’s team won the day, congratulations to them!

We’d also like to thank Chubb for a $10,000 match challenge at our Celebration of Family Gala held in April. "Chubb has been a valued supporter of the Center," says Ken Mullner, the Center's executive director, " and has been a recipient of its Champion of Adoption award for its outstanding benefits program for employees. We especially appreciate the dedication and contributions of Bryce Graham, Chubb's vice president and marketing manager." Graham is a Center board member. Kelly O’Leary, the Pennsylvania Regional Branch Manager was also instrumental in making all of this happen.

Bryce Graham (left) and Ken Mullner

LGBT Adoption

Last week, the United States Supreme Court Supreme Court considered the Defense of Marriage Act and California’s same-sex marriage statute. “If you redefine marriage to include same-sex couples,” Justice Anton Scalia said, “you must permit adoption by same-sex couples. There’s considerable disagreement among sociologists as to what the consequences of raising a child in a single-sex family, whether that is harmful to the child or not.” 

Actually, though there are some dissenters who say that research is not definitive — and some states block gay couples form jointly adopting children — there’s a broad consensus among major medical, psychological and child-welfare organizations that children raised by gay and lesbian parents fare just as well as those raised by straight parents. Scalia’s comments angered many gay-rights activists, including attorney Camilla Taylor of Lambda Legal, who called them “dishonest and disingenuous” for disregarding the consensus among child-welfare professionals. So exactly where is this so-called research Justice Scalia is referring to?